Lonely Joe

Mindlovemisery “Double Take” challenge – Due Fri- 6/15/18

Homophones - Use all four in one sentence.
519 Words

mail – postal delivery
male – masculine person

moose – a large elk
mousse – dessert of whipped cream and eggs

Lonely Joe

One day down to the local P.O., Bernard Bean, the postmaster, looked out to the parking lot.  Now Bernard was a good ole Mainer.  There weren’t much that could make him raise an eyebrow.   But what he saw in the parking lot that morning made both his eyebrows rise up, which in turn caused Alice Eaton , the local cat lady, to turn around and gasp.

There in the parking lot in all his glory was a male moose, his fur moussed up into spikes, standing on his hind legs in front of the mailbox.  Between his two front hooves, he held a large envelope.  The moose looked perplexed.

It takes an act of God to get Bernard to come out from behind his counter, what with him being a Mainer and a Federal employee to boot.  This situation he decided needed some personal attention.  He flipped up the passage part of the countertop.  The mail Alice was sorting flew into the air and scattered around the lobby. 

Outside, Bernard confronted the moose.  “Joe, what the Hell?  What’s up with the hair? You’re frightening Alice.”

Joe looked uncomfortable standing there on two legs sporting spiked hair.  “Well Bernie, Just want to mail this.”  He pushed the envelope in Bernard’s direction.  “Problem is I can’t open the mailbox.”

Bernard‘s gaze continued to pass over Joe’s huge body. The hint of a smile showed on his face.  His eyes began to glisten. “Jesus Joe, I’ll mail it for ya.  But really, what’s up with your fur.  Are the spikes hard?’’ Bernard reached out and felt one.

“No, they aren’t. Just a tad stiff.   But I tell you what, it cost me a fortune to buy enough packages of Paul Mitchell extra volume sculpting foam to spike up all the fur.”

“Well yeah, I can see that.”  Bernard just shook his head.  He took the package Joe offered him and turned it over so he could read the address.  He smiled and slid it into the box.

“Joe, you shouldn’t have to go this route, sniffing around floozies in some desperate singles mag.  There’s plenty of ladies right here in town I am sure would be proud to ……………….”  Bernard could not keep a straight face.  He began laughing and continued laughing as he went back into the P.O.

Bernard’s laugh cut through Joe like a knife.  The young bull moose was not used to being the butt of any joke, what with him standing seven feet tall and tipping the scales at a respectable 1350 pounds.  He thought the spike look made him even more intimidating, especially when he forced his lips into a snarl. 

Joe admired himself in the big picture window on the front of the P.O. “What cow could resist this awesome specimen,” he thought? Joe decided he liked what he saw and he was sure the ladies would not be able to resist.  He turned around and dropped to his four legs.  Joe lifted his head and puffed up his chest.   With a head toss and a fart, he trotted off into the woods across the road.
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This is my first flash challenge effort on Mindlovemisery